1...Calories consumed between Christmas and New Year's do not show up on the scale (or in the waistband of your jeans) until January 2nd.2...Not all kids who are spoiled turn out to be spoiled kids. It's how they are raised the other 364 days of the year that makes the difference.
3...Brussel sprouts, turnip and parsnips were planted by aliens in the 16th century and were never intended for human consumption.
4...Aliens also invented stuffing.
5...90% of the plastic novelties found in Christmas crackers are unidentifiable.
6...Originally, nog was a strong beer. Until beer drinking chickens forced farmers to find something to do with all those eggs.
7...Turkey basters were designed to baste turkeys. And that's it. Just turkeys.
8...If you have a live tree, you will impale your foot on a dried pine needle sometime in the month of June.
9...Dogs and cats do not enjoy wearing Santa hats or reindeer antlers. Jingle bell collars are fine.
and last but not least...
10...Wishing someone a Merry Christmas should never be considered bad form, politically incorrect, or insensitive to other religions. Hey -- it's not like you said, "Go F*** yourself." Now that would be bad form.
IT'S CHRISTMAS...HAVE A MERRY ONE!
I agree wholeheartedly with #3 and #4...in fact, I thought brussel sprouts were an unfortunate byproduct of the chocolate production process in Brussels. Guess not, just like Maltesers are not made in Malta. Oh well...
ReplyDeleteSigned: Chicken Lillel...oops, Liggle...oops, signed me...I'm too drunk to be typing!
PS - I also hope you don't like feasting on my tasty pink cinnamon flavoured bones filled with lovely chocolate marrow. Why do think boneless chicken is so popular? Cause everyone wants those tasty Chicken Bones...they're not just for Christmas anymore!
Must be an east coast thing -- have never heard of Chicken Bones much less tasted one. Probably a good thing, they sound rather addictive and I certainly don't need to add another candy to my "gotta have it" list.
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