Zzzzz...

I have insomnia.  Well maybe not classic insomnia.  I do sleep.  Sometimes.  In short increments.

Typical night scenario #1:  1)  Go to bed (sometime between 11:00 - 12:00).  2)  Listen to the dog snore. 3)  Read until book is in danger of bloodying nose (sometime between 12:00 - 1:00).  4)  Put book down, take off glasses, turn out light.  5)  Find comfortable position on right side.  6)  Find comfortable position on left side.  7)  Flip the pillow to the cold side.  8)  Find comfortable position on back.  9)  Move feet around to find the cold spots.  10)  Fall asleep.  11)  Wake up at 2:30.               12)  Repeat steps 5 - 9.  13)  Repeat steps 5 - 9.  14)  Calculate the amount of time you have left to sleep if you fall asleep NOW.  15)  Listen to the dog snore.  16)  Repeat steps 5 - 9.  17)  Listen to the birds waking up after a full night's sleep in their cozy little nests, yawning and stretching their little wings, ready to greet another day with a song in their beaks.  18)  Fantasize about birdocide.           19)  Watch the venetian blinds on the window as the light between the slats gets brighter and brighter. 20)  Calculate the amount of time you have left to sleep if you fall asleep NOW.  21)  If you fall asleep NOW.  22)  How about NOW.  23)  Fall asleep (sometime between 5:00 - 6:00).  24)  Wake up (sometime between 7:00 - 8:00).  25)  Listen to the dog snore.

    
Typical night scenario #2:  Repeat scenario #1.  Eliminate Steps 10 and 11.  Add more Steps 2, 15 and 25.

Breaking Point

We all have one, don't we?  A breaking point?  Well, I've reached mine.  And it's time to do something about it.  I'm talking about -- cleaning the house.

Sure, we've all heard the cliches...Life is too short to spend time dusting...or...There will always be housework to do...or...Just don't answer the door when the Department of Health shows up.

But I'm one of those people for whom a cluttered house = a cluttered mind.  I really can't relax and give anything else my full attention if there is as much detritus on the carpet as there is in the yard.  I have a dog with velcro fur -- if she touches it outside, it's coming inside with her.  Pine needles, moss, those little fuzzy brown things that fall like rain from the pine trees.  I also have a cockatiel that produces so much feather dust I sometimes have to get the snow scraper out just to see the TV screen.  

I know it's time to clean when --

     The dust bunnies bear a strong resemblance to tumbleweeds.

     My daughter and I stop communicating via texting and start leaving messages in the dust.

     The slime on the shower floor actually oozes between my toes.

     Even the dog refuses to eat anything off the kitchen floor.

I've tried many house cleaning systems.  I've tried assigning a task to each weekday (Monday is dusting, Tuesday is vacuuming...) but that usually only lasts, oh, about a week.  I've tried blitzing once a week but that usually only lasts, oh, about a week.  I've tried seeing how much I can get done in an hour a day.  I've tried seeing how much I can get done in half an hour a day.  I've tried seeing how much I can get done in the length of time I can hold my breath.  I've tried cleaning when I'm having people over...so I just stopped having people over.  

I have nothing but admiration for clean freaks.  But I have to face it -- clean freak is just not in my genetic make-up.  I simply have to wait until my brain twists in a knot and refuses to let any thought processes through until I do it.  So I'm gonna clean my house.

Tomorrow.

On another note...I love finding a book I just can't put down.  Even if it means I don't do any writing for two whole days because I can't drag myself away from the book.  Just one more chapter...okay, just one more chapter.  If you like a book that you will gladly put your life on hold for, I highly recommend GONE GIRL by Gillian Flynn.  The ending was sheer perfection.  And when I finished all I could think was...Damn, I wish I'D written that.

Autumn in June

I know it's a little early for fall colours but I have to say it's the one thing I miss about Ontario, my home province.  We're woefully short of maple trees here in B.C. so we just don't get these colours.  A lot of yellow but only a little red and none of the golds.  So I have to settle for recreating them in my stained glass studio.

I had shut the studio door a few weeks back.  Felt like I was spreading myself too thin and I really wanted to concentrate solely on my writing for a few months.  But while the writing muse was sitting on one shoulder, the glass muse was sitting on the other.  They were getting a little loud, vying for my attention, so I finally had to say -- Enough!!  There's time enough for the two of you...as long as I give up vacuuming, dusting, cleaning toilets, and washing floors. Okay, I decided -- if I have to, I have to.

The sacrifices we have to make in the name of art.                                                                                   

On another (but similar) note...The new novel is progressing quite nicely.

Wanna Make A Lot of Money?

Invent a grass trimmer that isn't based on a piece of plastic string spinning round and round on a little spool.  That always runs out or jams when you've only got about 10 feet left to trim.  And so you take off the plastic cover and replace the string.  And you put the ends of the string through the little holes but it always loses tension and you have to take the spool out again to rewind it.  And then you put the spring back in but the cover never seems to line up on all four sides at the same time.  And you press and you twist and you push and you get so frustrated you just want to throw that damn cover. But you don't.  Because then you'd never find it in the brush.  So you sit down on the rock to cool off. And then you try it again, maybe you even talk nicely to the cover.  And so finally you get it on and start to finish that last 10 feet and the thing jams again and won't spit out any new string.

So yeah, invent something that isn't based on a piece of plastic string spinning round and round on a little spool.  And then go on one of those shows like Dragon's Den or Shark Tank.  And they'll give you lots of money for your invention because they all have lawns and they all hate their trimmers too. And then your trimmer will be hailed as the greatest invention of the 20th Century.  And you'll make so much money you'll never have to work again in your whole life.  And you'll even be able to hire somebody to cut your grass and do the trimming.

Yeah, invent one of those.  And I'll buy one.

The Next 122 Days

I've got a new plan, so I'm putting the household purge on hold for a bit.  Partly because it's getting to be too nice outside to be doing stuff inside.  Partly because I'm almost done.  But mostly because I have a visitor.  An old friend I haven't seen lately has decided to stop in for a while so I better give her my full attention, treat her right, and hope she sticks around.  I don't even know her name.  I just call her my muse.

I don't like to admit this but I'm a very undisciplined writer.  I write when the mood hits.  It's like moonshine of the brain -- I let a story or an idea brew for a while and when it reaches maximum potency, I write it down.  That's where I am right now.  There are people in my head who want out. They are tired of having long conversations with me while I walk the dog.  They want to meet each other and start living their lives on the page.  So I'm obligated to let them.

A lot of writers (probably all the successful ones) commit to writing x number of words or pages every day.  I've never been one of the those writers.  But I'm going to give it a try.  I'm committing the next four months to taking the novel that lives in my head and putting it down on paper (okay, on screen). I'm committing to 1,000 words per day.  Yes, I know...some days I'll write more, some less.  But by the end of September, my goal is to have the first draft finished.

That means there's going to have to be some changes around here.  Like maybe getting up earlier. Like maybe less TV.  Except for the end of the Stanley Cup Playoffs.  Even though my Leafs are out, I still love my hockey.  And there's only a few more weeks left of The Voice.  Oh, and on June 24th Stephen King's Under The Dome starts.  I can't miss that.  I mean, Steve is my idol.  All right, maybe the occasional movie.  But definitely -- no more Seinfeld reruns.  Except for the one about The Contest. That one is always worth watching for the umpteenth time.

Hmmm...Something tells me my muse is not amused.